Disgust and Confusion

For today's blog I am going to skip over the morning details and move on to the bus ride. We were on our way today to Auschwitz. I was very quiet on the ride over, just looking out the window. When we got close to Oswiecim, the town that Auschwitz is in, the highway became parallel to a set of train tracks. Our bus leader began to tell some stories and facts about Auschwitz, but I could not pay attention. My eyes were glaring at this train track. Hundreds of thousands of people spent the last minutes of their life riding on the tracks next to me. I felt bad. Even through the rain and gloom of the day, there were nice grassy hills around the rail tracks. As we got closer to the center of Oswiecim and closer to the Auschwitz there were home after home, business after business lining the streets. People conducting normal daily life within a few hundred feet of the most deadly systematic extermination camp in the history of human kind. Our bus made a turn off of the road before we hit the camp and we made a stop at the Jewish center of Oswiecim.

Who would think that Auschwitz was constructed in a heavily populated Jewish area? Oswiecim in the 1920s was a Jewish mecca in Poland. At that time, the towns population was 60-70% Jewish and housed 20 temples. During the war, however, all of the Jews were liquidated and sent to Ghettos and camps. The Nazis came through the town of Oswiecim and destroyed all of the temples; all but one. They used that temple for ammunition storage. The one remaining temple is now turned into a museum that we visited and had a guide explain the history of Oswiecim to us. When I think Auschwitz, before this trip, I really envisioned that the camp was in a forest miles outside of civilization. But no, there was this thriving Jewish community right where the camp was. There were people living right where the camp was.

We all loaded back into the bus and took a short trip over to the actual camp. We drove to Auschwitz, and went the entrance of the camp. It was 11:50 and we were getting our tour headsets. At 12:00, the entire country of poland stopped for 2 minutes of silence in honor of their president who died yesterday. Some of us found the time awkward, some found it happy, I found it really sad and used it as a time of reflection. I really find it hard to mourn for two full minutes over the loss of one man while standing past the barbed wire of Auschwitz. Over 11 million people perished durring the holocaust. If we were to give only one moment of silence for each brother, sister, mother, father, aunt, uncle and friend that died the world would be silent for more then 22 years. And there, I though, I stood where 2.5 million people died. It was an incredibly eerie time.

We walked into Auschwitz and took a tour of the camp. I really cannot express it all in words but I will try to express my feelings. We crossed through the fence to enter Auschwitz reading those infamous words; Arbet Macht Frei. I stood there, watching, thinking. I have seen this spot in movies. I have read about it in books. Now, I was here. I stood at the entrance to Auschwitz at a sight where thousands of people were shot just for standing exactly where I was standing. Only 70 years ago I would have been handed a death sentence by entering this camp since only 1% of the people who entered Auschwitz survived. Now, for a little background history on Auschwitz that I didn't know. Auschwitz is actually broken down to 4 parts: Auschwitz I, Auschwitz II - Birkenau, Auschwitz III - Monowice (a work camp that served as the largest rubber and chemical manufacturing plant in Poland), and Auschwitz IV - Blechhammer (another work camp). Also, interesting to know, the reason why Oswiecim was chosen as the site for Auschwitz, well a few of them, are that 20 of the now 28 buildings were pre-existing before the war and served as Polish army shelters. As I walked in I almost thought the camp looked nice. Well, the barbed wire fence and watch tower took away from it a bit, but just the buildings were large brick structures that weren't as bad as I expected.

Today, Auschwitz I is completely a museum. Some of the barracks are closed to the public, but the others are all gutted on the inside and filled with museum displays that explain parts of the Holocaust. I'm really not sure if this added or took away from the experience but it definitely helped to understand a bit more. The guide took us in and we walked into the first Barrak, Block 4. This block had displays that really just taught about the history of Auschwitz and what occurred there. The most interesting exhibits there, in my opinion, was a glass case filled with over a hundred large cans of Cyclon B. Cyclon B is the chemical pellets that the SS would drop through holes of the gas chambers to kill the Jews. These pellets, which almost look like Tylenol pills, were the most efficient way to kill the Jews because it cost on 2/3 of a cent per person and would kill 2,000 people at a time in a period of 15-20 minutes. All of the cans in this display were empty. Meaning that in front of my eyes was the weapon that resulted in the death of hundreds of thousands of people. The next rooms in block 4 were very emotional, it made a lot of this real. The first room had an entire glass wall, maybe 150 foot long. Behind it were 7 tons of human hair. Discolored, old and dusty this was the hair that once covered the head of a mother and a wife. The Nazis would shave all of the hair off of the women and stored it. They told us that this hair was packed to be mailed to fabric companies to make blankets and clothing. I saw in this vast mound of hair one blond, now white from age, beautiful braid. It took this huge grand scale genocide and helped me rationalize it to individuals. Next door was a similar display but instead of hair it was suitcases. People had written their names and addresses on these as if they were traveling to a good new land as we do today on our luggage before flying. I looked through these. Some members of our group saw family names written which really hit home. We left block 4 and went onto block 5 which had more displays of peoples prayer shawls, tooth-brushes, shoes, bowls, artificial limbs, eye glasses and more. One sign explained how after the people were taken off of the cable cars all of there luggage was brought to one of two sorting rooms to divvy up what the Germans would keep and what they wouldn't. They called these rooms "Canada" One and Two because all of the Poles visioned Canada as a land to receive whatever you dream of. Block 6 showed pictures and records of those who lived in Auschwitz and had exhibits to explain their clothing, numbers, documentation, food, and more. Block 7 gave a bit more authentic view into Auschwitz then the others did by showing the living conditions. They had rooms set up to show how 200 prisoners would be shoved into an area to sleep on triple layer bunks with no mattress usually in the space that you can barely fit 40 people comfortably. Now was the worst block of them all, Block 11 or the "Death Block". This is where the SS would conduct experiments on the prisoners in the camp. Some of the most bothersome things in my mind was that in the basement they had the first tests of the Cyclon B to see if it would work in the gas chambers. Also, there were rooms broken into 1 foot by 1 foot squares with what I would call a small doggie door on the bottom. The SS would make people go in the door and stand for a day or two straight.

We finished with our tour of the blocks and walked through the main Assembly Square where roll call would be taken daily. I had to stop for a moment and think of the woman who got shot in the head under my feet simply for not standing up straight or the man who got publicly hang 2 feet ahead for stealing a bite of bread. This experience was completely surreal and no matter how many stores I could hear or remember it was so difficult to really connect. Then we entered the gas chamber. Directly outside of the barbed wire fence was the Gas Chamber and Crematorium I. We walked in. There were scratches on the walls from 70 years ago. Through the eerie silence you could hear the cries of our ancestors. The square holes in the ceiling above would deliver the poor victims their inevitable death. But I walked out alive. I walked next door to the creamatorium. But the oven has not been used for sometime. I left. I left the crematorium alive. The day before myself and 5 other people planned a ceremony to conduct after we exited the gas chamber in Auschwitz. Our group of 100 teens gathered close in the pouring rain. We sang "Oh Say Shalom". My group then prepared some survivor stories that we read to the group. The next part of our ceremony was the most meaningful I think. As a group of Jewish teens, outside of the Nazi gas chamber that took the lives of thousands of our ancestors, we joined together and recited the mourner's kadish. People all around us joined is as well. It was very bitter sweet because we are the survivors. We are her to remember. We once again joined in "Oh Say Shalom", appropriately the last line in the mourner's kadish. "May g_d who makes peace in high places, Make peace on us, And on all of Israel. And let us say, Amen". We walked to our bus in song, chanting "Lo Yisa Goy". We showed the world our pride as a Jewish community and our resilience despite what others may try to do to our people.

We ate lunch on the bus as a retreat from the rain and then drove over to Birkenau (under 2 miles away and where the actual March will take place"). We all got out of the bus and walked in. The rain had been falling all day and the ground was very wet and muddy. We all were bundled up in layers upon layers with jackets and sweatshirts and were still cold. The weather 70 years ago was the same, but the prisoners in the camp did not even have the jackets and shoes we had. They didn't have even food to keep them nourished. It was tortures and inhumane conditions, yet somehow, some survived. As we entered Birkenau, I was in awe at the sheer size of the place. I guess I didn't know what to expect but standing in the middle of the camp I could not see either end. All you can see is barrack after barrack. At the end of the war the Nazis attempted to destroy all of the barracks so as not to leave evidence of their crimes. Of the over 300 buildings originally at Birkenau that covered over 425 acres, only about 50 originals remain today. We walked into a wood barrack towards the far side of the camp (that is what the picture that joins this blog is of to set the tone of the rain and gloom). This was the time to hear our history.

As I noted before (I think), we have survivor Trudy Album traveling with us. We all sat in this barrack to hear her story. Trudy grew up in what is now the Check Republic and was abducted by the Nazis at the age of 15. 250 people from her town were impression by the Nazis in, I believe, 1943 and only 60 survived through the war. Trudy was originally taken to a Ghetto and then brought to Auschwitz II - Birkenau where she remained for a few months until she was brought to Plaszow which is where she stayed until liberation. She told us that everyday she fought to live because she believed that her mother and sister were alive and at the end of the war Trudy didn't want to be the only one to perish. The tragic irony of the situation is that Trudy was the only one in her family who survived the second world war. Another part of Trudy's liberation that I found intriguing is that on the train ride out of Plazsow and to the land of the allied forces after Germany surrendered the train made a stop. The doors opened and their was a Red Cross truck giving out hot food. About half of Trudy's train car went and got the food, but for some reason she didn't go. These people who everyone thought were the Red Cross were really Nazis and, after exciting and nourishing the refugees, they shot them all with a machine gun. Trudy stayed in the train and lived. After then, the train drove her off to freedom and she eventually immigrated to the United States and settled in New Jersey. The story was powerful. Especially to hear while sitting in a barrack similar to the one Trudy stayed in when she was a laborer at Birkenau.

We left the barrack and walked through the rest of Birkenau. It was a VERY different mood then Auschwitz I, however. I think the problem was that it was just too big and empty for us to grasp. I almost felt as if I was on a movie set it was so unreal. It may have also been a mix of cold and exhaustion but it was not the same somber mood as I felt in Auschwitz. We walk along the train tracks perpendicular to the entrance gate (that is the exact scene you see in every movie and picture relating to the Holocaust). We were at the selection zone where people were sent to the left and right to live or die. We stood where hundreds of thousands died and it was almost too big to understand. Some of us cracked jokes and ignored where we were. Tomorrow we will return to Birkenau for the actual "March of the Living". I am thinking and hoping that the experience may be different then. Well Birkenau was just a very different atmosphere then I expected. We didn't walk into the gas chambers there because the weather was really getting to us. We will go back in tomorrow I think. So it was on the busses and off to dinner.

I'm not really sure where we were for dinner but it was very tasty. They served spaghetti and chicken fingers and french fries. It was probably the best meal so far. I'm cherishing it because tomorrow's boxed dinner on the bus doesn't sound edible. After dinner we had an amazing program. Well it could have been better but we were very pressed for time so it was cut short. We had a Survivors Panel where 7 Holocaust survivors shared their stories with us. We actually joined with the southern region US delegation on this and experienced it together. One of the most impactful stories I remember is from one of the women who was 2 at the time. Her father knew the war was going on and that they were in danger. So he sent to her to stay at a non-jews house in town where she was safe. Still, every night her father would ride his bicycle to the house and hug his daughter and play with her. One day, however, her father did not come. A few days later her uncle came and this two-year-old understood when he told her that daddy was taken away. I believe she said he was brought to Birkebau and killed immediately but, nonetheless, I know that she never had another time to see her father. She never got to say good bye. The stories were all really powerful and it was a really moving thing to have all these amazing survivors together sharing their story. That was the end of our night. Tomorrow is the real reason why I am here and I am truly looking forward to it.

If you're interested for more information on Auschwitz please take a look at http://en.auschwitz.org.pl/m/ and to listen to stories from Holocaust survivors visit http://www.holocaustsurvivors.org/